We’re all about helping hockey grow here at Chasing Dragons. We know that EIHL hockey clubs have a lot to deal with over the summer months, what with departing players, organising sponsors, planning budgets and negotiation with new players. Oh, and scouting, too.
Obviously, one of the most important things they have to do is announce the signing of new and returning players. But we fans know it can be hard finding new and interesting ways to hype a player returning or signing when the Internet means most people already know who you’re going to be announcing a month in advance because it’s an open secret/the players’ girlfriend reveals it/some idiot has already told everyone on a forum/his sponsor couldn’t keep their ruddy mouths shut for ONE MORE DAY and had to boast about it. Plus all that coming up with quotes etc takes time. Time you could be using far better elsewhere in a packed off-season.
Chasing Dragons is here to help. Below is the only guide clubs will ever need to announce a new or returning signing, from your 17-year-old backup goalie to your star import. Just copy and paste it into a Word document, delete as applicable where you’re given options, fill in the gaps as suggested, and away you go. Then, you’ll have more time to come up with important issues, like a points system that people can understand, or a replacement for the Challenge Cup.
EIHL SIGNING NEWS
(Club) sign (player) (new signing) or (player) returns to (club)*
The (club) are pleased to announce the (signing/return) of (player) for the (season) season. (position) (player) joins from the (previous club) of the (league), where he (insert brief facts about how many points he scored/what titles he won/how many bar owners he kept in business) last season.
The (height/weight) (age) (player) has spent his career in the (list leagues) and has become well-known for his (goalscoring/playmaking/being an excellent two-way player/defensive play/being a complete dick to anyone not on his own team).
(insert brief ramble about what a great guy he is, or how he’s expected to become one of the top players in the league this season. If it’s a young Brit, talk about how they’re going to “continue their development and become a key player, if it’s a good Brit, ALWAYS use the phrase “top British (position)” and if it’s an import, talk about how he had offers for more money elsewhere and was in demand. NEVER mention that he accepted the contract with “well, I guess I’m not going to get anything better”-fans don’t like that even if it’s obvious)
“I’ve heard nothing but good things about the organisation, the coach and the fans.” (IMPORTANT: THIS PHRASE MUST BE INCLUDED WHETHER THE PLAYER SAID IT OR NOT, BY EIHL LEAGUE MANDATE. FINES WILL BE APPLIED IF NOT USED.
(some stuff about how player spoke to a mate in the league. Name-drop if necessary. If you’re a young Brit, talk about how you’re looking forward to growing and how the coach is great. If an import, praise the city and fans, and talk about what a great-organised setup the EIHL is. (you’ll find out soon enough)
Bonus points for using the phrase “best fans/rink in the league, even if you’re talking about a fanbase that has a proven ability to turn on its team in the space of a shift, or the rink you’re talking about happens to be the soulless pit of death and broken dreams that mere mortals call “Sheffield Arena”.
Finish off by listing the players signed and one last attempt to sell season tickets/tickets for the next game (which is ALWAYS “the most important of the season”, and you’re done.
With these tips, you should be able to quickly create a PR which continues the tradition of reading like every other one ever written, only now you won’t have to take as much time typing it out each time, thus allowing you to get on with the more important tasks of an EIHL PR department.